As I read back over this I am concerned that this might come off as A compliant. Maybe in some ways it is. I have been trying hard to find my place in a new geographic location but I have not been able to put down any root. I have a job and a precious few friends here and for that I am grateful. I have tried and managed to find things that I appreciate about St Louis, I really like this town as far as towns go and here are the reasons why: I like Forrest park with its free zoo and museums. I love the insane playground that is City Museum. I like the Loop in U City and Main St in St Charles. I like the Schafleys and Trailhead pubs. I like seeing fireflies in the summer and the great rivers. But other than that... I have been missing things.
I miss (real) mountains covered in evergreen. I miss the waterfalls crashing down them and blowing a fresh cool mist into my face. I miss being able to drive to the ocean on a whim during a slow weekend. Sitting on a rock while the tied comes in. Watching the sun sink into the distant waves while hoping to catch a glimpse of a whale or some other wild beast of my imagination. Soaking in a hotspring on a cool day after a hard week.
I also miss the towns. Having my feet firmly on the concrete but feeling free. Sipping coffee and being surrounded by used books. Getting donuts with friends in the middle of the night. Getting the best Mexican food I have ever tasted from a man speaking broken English out of a food cart for $4. Pub theaters. Live music and art every night. The grime, the energy and knowing my place and authority in it.
I miss my friends and family (the lines between the two are blurred sometimes). I miss having people around that really know me and love me anyway. I miss the community that I was part of and being able to truly connect with people in spirit and in truth. I miss my nephews and niece, I wish I could be around them more as they grow so fast in these early years.
I don’t know where to go from here and I don't know what to do while I am still here.
I have been in St Louis for over a year now and I still don’t feel like I have really found my place (even though it is not a bad place). I am really not sure that I will ever really belong here... maybe that is okay.
Thank you friends. I love you.